Many of us repeatedly find ourselves making the same mistakes in our lives. At times, even though we consciously try to avoid these mistakes, circumstances somehow unfold in a way that leads us back into the same old traps.
For example, we may have planned many times to complete our tasks on time, yet after a short while we find ourselves slipping back into procrastination. From the perspective of schema therapy, the repetition of maladaptive patterns arises from the use of coping styles.
Before continuing, it may be helpful to know that this is the fourth article in the Schemalogy series aimed at explaining the core concepts of schema therapy. Other articles in this series are available here:
Introduction
In schema therapy, the activation of early maladaptive schemas does not merely mean the activation of dysfunctional beliefs; rather, it is experienced as a threat at the emotional level.
This threat is typically accompanied by intense, pervasive, and often overwhelming emotions that stem from the chronic frustration of basic emotional needs. In order to reduce, tolerate, or avoid this painful experience, individuals inevitably resort to coping styles.
Definition of Coping Styles
The concept of coping was systematically introduced by Susan Folkman. She defined coping as:
A set of cognitive and behavioral efforts that individuals use to overcome, reduce, or tolerate internal and external pressures arising from stressful life conditions.
In schema therapy, this definition is understood within a developmental and attachment-based framework, where coping styles are viewed as relatively stable patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
These styles typically develop during the early years of life and often operate outside of conscious awareness. When a child faces situations that they are unable to change, they are compelled to find ways to manage psychological pressure.
Although these strategies are initially functional and survival-oriented, when they persist over time they can turn into maladaptive patterns that remain active in adulthood.
Why Do Coping Styles Develop?
According to schema therapy, psychological difficulties begin with the frustration of basic emotional needs.
During childhood, when a child’s core emotional needs—such as secure attachment, autonomy, free expression of emotions, spontaneity and play, or having healthy limits and boundaries—are repeatedly unmet, the child enters a state of psychological threat. From a schema therapy perspective, this condition provides the groundwork for the formation of early maladaptive schemas.
At the same time that schemas are forming, the child develops one or more coping styles to manage the emotions associated with these schemas. These coping styles emerge from the interaction of multiple factors, including the quality of early attachment, parental emotion-regulation strategies, repeated experiences of stress, and the child’s level of cognitive development.
At that stage of development, these strategies help the child endure emotionally frustrating conditions. However, as the child grows older and environmental circumstances change, the same strategies can become obstacles to healthy psychological growth.
Coping Styles in Schema Therapy
In schema therapy, three primary coping styles have been identified: surrender, avoidance, and overcompensation.
A child may rely on one of these styles or a combination of them, and these patterns can be activated differently across situations or in response to different schemas.
The activation of a schema represents the activation of an internal threat—one that involves both the frustration of a core emotional need and the intense emotions that accompany it. A coping style is the response that the individual, often unconsciously, uses to deal with this threat.
Although these coping styles were adaptive during childhood, in adulthood they usually contribute to the maintenance of schemas, even when individuals encounter potentially healthier situations and relationships.
Schema Surrender:
Remaining Trapped in the Schema
In the surrender coping style, the individual unconsciously accepts the schema as the truth. They not only believe the content of the schema, but also directly experience the emotional pain associated with it. As a result, they behave in ways that confirm and reinforce the schema, without being aware that they are repeating old patterns.
This style often leads individuals to enter relationships or situations that recreate the experience of the “damaging parent.” The familiarity and predictability of these patterns make them feel natural to the individual, even when they consistently result in emotional suffering.
Schema Avoidance:
Ignoring the Schema Trap
In schema avoidance, the individual’s primary goal is to prevent the schema from being activated at all.
To achieve this, the person avoids thinking about the schema, feeling the emotions associated with it, or entering situations that might trigger it.
Avoidance may take the form of emotional withdrawal, superficial relationships, or behaviors whose main function is to numb or distract from emotional experience.
Although these strategies reduce pain in the short term, they prevent emotional processing of the schema and therefore contribute to its persistence. In schema therapy, it is emphasized that such behaviors are attempts at emotion regulation, not signs of character weakness or moral failure.
Schema Overcompensation:
A Failed Attempt to Escape the Schema Trap
In overcompensation, the individual responds to the schema not by accepting or avoiding it, but by fighting against it. They think, feel, and behave in ways that appear to be completely opposite to the schema’s content.
For example, someone who felt worthless in childhood may develop extreme perfectionism or superiority in adulthood, while someone who was dominated may become controlling.
Although these individuals often appear strong, confident, and dominant on the surface, at deeper levels the schema remains active and generates intense emotional pressure. Overcompensation is essentially an attempt to escape the feelings of vulnerability and helplessness that were experienced earlier in life.
Why Do Coping Styles Lead to Repeated Mistakes?
Imagine someone who uses avoidance to cope with a failure schema. In this case, they may procrastinate or avoid starting important tasks—not because they lack motivation, but because beginning the task increases the likelihood of triggering feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, or shame. Procrastination here functions as an avoidance strategy that temporarily protects the individual from confronting the schema.
By avoiding important tasks, the person gradually loses opportunities to develop the skills necessary for success, and as a result, the failure schema is once again confirmed.
Conclusion
Coping styles can be understood as intelligent developmental solutions that a child creates in order to survive emotionally frustrating environments.
However, if these solutions remain unexamined, they can turn into maladaptive patterns in adulthood that keep individuals trapped in cycles of schema repetition.
The goal of schema therapy is not to eliminate coping styles, but to understand their function, increase awareness of their costs, and provide corrective emotional experiences that make the development of healthier responses possible.
Refrences
Folkman, S. (1997). Positive psychological states and coping with severe stress. Social Science & Medicine, 45(8), 1207-1221.
Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Young, J. E., Arntz, A., & Weishaar, M. E. (2005). Schema therapy. In J. E. Young, J. S. Klosko, & M. E. Weishaar (Eds.), Schema therapy: A practitioner’s guide (pp. 1–38). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Arntz, A., & Jacob, G. (2013). Schema therapy in practice: An introductory guide to the schema mode approach. Oxford, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.
Farrell, J. M., & Shaw, I. A. (2012). Group schema therapy for borderline personality disorder: A step-by-step treatment manual. Chichester, UK: Wiley-Blackwell.
Folkman, S., & Lazarus, R. S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. New York, NY: Springer.
Bamelis, L. L. M., Evers, S. M. A. A., Spinhoven, P., & Arntz, A. (2014). Results of a multicenter randomized controlled trial of the clinical effectiveness of schema therapy for personality disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 305–322. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.12040518
